BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
