He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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