i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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