in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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