Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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