there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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