Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
