Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize