Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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