Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
