i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
