Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
