My sheets look like a crime scene.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
