so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
