What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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