He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
