Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
