shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Your penis caused this!
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