sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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