it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize