Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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