you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
