i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
