she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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