just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
