I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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