I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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