I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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