That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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