Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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