I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
