Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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