I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
