I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
