my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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