Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
