I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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