I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize