OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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