If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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