clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
