I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
