she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
