How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
