Me. At least after what I've been through.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
