I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
