i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
