You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
