I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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