ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Come share oat with me in your robe
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
