I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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