just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize