FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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