I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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