i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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