Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
