I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
