She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
