What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I believe in your delicious
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
