Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Let's get the cat blown out
I pour the whiskey from now on
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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