You can't motorboat a personality
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
