theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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