I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
