he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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