I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
