If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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