Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize