I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You are the jesus of drinking
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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