i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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