pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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